Evading the Bully at Army Navy Burger + Burrito

If the Eraserheads believed and sang that there’s a fruitcake for everybody, we also believe that there’s a burger for everybody. Again, just like in the other posts on burgers here (Brothers Burger, Crave Burger, Army+Navy, Burger Project) to each his own. One reader of that post made this suggestion: Army Navy Burger + Burrito.

It’s simply Army Navy when you see it in the malls. We found our Army Navy food headquarter in SM.

My wife once said there’s a new burger to try. I remembered it as Army-something. That was months ago. What’s the big deal about an Army burger, I thought. Will they make me eat while on a squat position, or in a boodle fight, just like in the army (or, for us private citizens, the Cadet Officer Candidate Course)? No rush to try out an Army burger. Didn’t even bother to look at the restaurant lay-out even when I pass by it every so often.

Where shall we have lunch?,” my wife asked after doing today’s grocery run. “I’m not too hungry. Let’s try something new.” Army burger, I said. Yes, let’s go to the Army Navy, she said. Our four-year old chimed in: “But I want Jollibee Burger Steak.” Ah, why is life so complicated.

The good thing is, the only complicated aspect of ARMY NAVY is its name — burger or burrito? Army or the navy? That’s major indecision. Why not settle on one? Why not spam instead? Spam was famous in WWII. And what about the air force? Just because they have no fighter planes doesn’t mean you exclude them. Earth-shaking questions, these are, as Yoda would put it.

But, really, you won’t have time to think about these silly questions once you come face to face with the Burger of ARMY NAVY.  Here, the smallest burger is still big and you have to open your jaws wide, which will probably squeeze your brain dry, which, in turn, would radically reduce your ability to think about senseless questions, like why mix up the army and the navy. It’s just you and the burger, baby (or the burrito, make up your mind). Everybody happy.

Ok, time to get serious.

As already said, nothing is complicated here. You walk up to the counter that looks like a quonset hut, a building design extensively used by the U.S. during World War II. Everything is labeled for easy use, just like what you see in a military base. “Order here”. “Pick up here”.

They even have instructions on how to properly eat a burrito, with illustrations just to be sure everyone gets it. By the way, in the remote possibility that you’re impressed I know what a “quonset” is, it’s also posted there in the restaurant. There’s a lot of military trivia posted here and you might get too interested with the information you might forget your food. In fact, maybe you’ve noticed that we’ve taken a lot of space talking about anything else but the food.

Yes, food. Glorious food. Like the ARMY NAVY Burger. What we ordered and what you see here is just the Burger (P135). Don’t ask if it’s just “Burger” or is it “Navy Burger” (because, ahem, the Army has more beef against the government than the navy, get the drift?). It’s not even the intimidating Bully Boy Burger (P235), which we fearfully avoided because we’re half-full.

The “regular” Burger is a single-patty affair, quarter-pound pure beef, grilled and seared to give that smoked juicy taste. The store manager was kind enough to explain this to us (I had to ask because I felt the patty was too seared?). The bombardment of questions began.

Is this a foreign chain?
No, sir, this is a Filipino company, sister company of Yellow Cab Pizza

Really? Yellow Cab is a Filipino company? I thought it’s an American chain.
Yes, sir, it’s Filipino

Army Navy started in Tagaytay, right?
I think so, sir.

With that, I returned my attention to the Burger in my hands. The 100% natural beef patty is capped by a generous serving of bacon (optional, so is cheese), with potato chips on the side.

Indeed, things and names are simple here. If you want single patty, just order the Burger. If you want double quarter pounder, what burger would you order? It’s called a Double Burger. If you want triple quarter pounder, what do you order? Gotcha. It’s not Triple Burger. It’s the legendary Bully Boy Burger (trivia, “bully boys”, in its strictest sense, means BEEF EATING SAILORS).

The poster for the Bully Boy Burger also says: “Are you tough enough?” We’re not tough enough at that time. Not yet. We’ll regroup, orchestrate a flanking counter-offensive on a subsequent date, then overwhelm that bully of a burger. And we won’t mind the burrito as collateral damage. In fact, we’ll make sure that the burrito gets downed, too, with the help of the LiberTea (must-try iced tea). After all, this place is called the Army Navy BURGER + BURRITO.

So, while we came in not-too hungry (and while we brought along a hamburger steak for our kid), we came out happy. That, according to the Army Navy Burger + Burrito, is mission accomplished.

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